the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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