How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
