If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
