This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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