I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
