He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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