is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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