Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My ATM looks so different sober.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
