u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
