Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
