ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
