I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
