Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
