You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
