Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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