found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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