if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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