Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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