Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
