She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
