I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
