he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She bit a glass in half.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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