I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
