Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
