Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
