Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
