I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could fuck to npr.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
