He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was like eating out sand paper
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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