We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
