i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
