i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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