remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
