I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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