I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
