I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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