I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
