i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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