come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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