He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
