And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
