How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My vagina is very pro this idea
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
