she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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