We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
