You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you never un-have a 4some
Sext me about skeletons
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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