somebody snuck up and got me drunk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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