Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
