what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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