Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
