just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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