I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
