Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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