he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
