tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
