I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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