When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
be right there i have to get my cape
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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